What does self-love really look like?
The message reads - “I’m going with what the universe just threw at me… I’m off to Puerto Vallarta Saturday to disconnect, chill, enjoy some ocean, beach, and maybe a pina colada. ARE YOU IN?”
In a split second my inner knowing shouts ‘Just Say Yes’. With lightning speed another voice - louder, drowning out the first, concealed in a myriad of logic. And so I respond…
NO?
I used to live life in the moment. Drop everything for a night out with friends, jump in the car for a road trip to the mountains, or repaint a bedroom just because. Part of me still identifies as spontaneous, open to new adventures, seeking the adrenalin rush of the unknown. It’s who I am - it’s what I seek - to be FREE!
Standing in the kitchen reading her invitation - I wonder “What just happened?” I aspire to live life on my terms. It’s what I worked so hard for.. To have the freedom to choose.
Am I being tested?
I reread the message again and again. Almost immediately, I am consumed with regret. A sense, I have passed up a notable experience. I am being tested and I failed… I don’t even know what it is I failed at.
And then I remember…
Just three days ago I sat in a gathering of my group, 'Women, Wisdom ‘n Wine' talking about self-love. BTW if you want a topic every woman can dig into - pick self-love. Everyone has their own version of what self-love means. Brené Brown writes that “Compassion is not a virtue, it is a commitment…something we choose to practice.”
I encourage and ask the group. “How can you practice unconditional self-love - the kind you would offer your closest friend?”.
In ‘Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on it’, Kamal Ravikant proposes, “If you truly loved yourself, what would you do?”
For some, it’s a novel concept - aware yet elusive in practice. We struggle to find the time. We experience guilt and doubt. What makes this so?
Though from different experiences, all share a knowing - we were not taught to think this way. It was not in our upbringing, our culture to put ourselves first as women. In fact everything in our DNA tells us it’s wrong.
So now, I ponder, “What would I choose if I truly loved myself?” I would say YES! I would channel the doubt and the guilt of splurging an entire week on just myself - I would live by example. The only thing stopping me… is me. And it’s all in my head - programmed generations before I was born.
I am catapulted out of my logical excuse creating brain. Amidst the chatter, I come to my senses. Guilt returns for a brief appearance. This time, it quiets more easily. I find peace in knowing I am choosing to practice more self-love.
Every day we are presented with opportunities. Some are obvious (like the invitation to PV). Others carefully tucked into a friend’s comment, or a seemingly random article showing up in your Inbox or social media feed.
How we respond is entirely our choice. We can resist - giving power to what our calendar tells us is more important - or we can step into our fear, embrace whatever emotions show up, and say 'YES'.
A seemingly random opportunity presented itself to me and I said “YES”. And today I’m writing this post, feet in the sand, margarita in hand, watching the sunset.
What might get in your way when opportunity presents itself to you? How can you commit to your own practice of self-love?
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