Compare Yourself Better
This morning I innocently opened my Facebook feed. My purpose? To catch up with a few friends. You know the ones. They live far away. Maybe they’re traveling. I’m not seeking to live through them. I simply want to feel connected.
As tends to happen these days, I have to fight through a myriad of ‘sponsored’ content to find my friends. For some reason, I’m stopped by a video ad that just starts playing - she promises the secret to get more clients.
Within seconds, I’ve jumped down a rabbit hole of self doubt, a little loathing and a whole lot of comparison. I’m sucked into the idea that I need to ‘do more’, ‘be more’ and ‘follow another’s path’.
What surprises me most is how long I stay here! How long before I realize I’m comparing my life to hers? Self-doubt about the path I have chosen. Who do I think I am to portend my own value as a coach? The joy, slipping away.
How are you comparing yourself?
“The reason we struggle with insecurity”, according to Steve Furtick, “is that we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”
Of all the things that can rob us of joy and happiness, comparison lies at the forefront. Whether it be social media, the Jones next door or your favourite love story. Our lives are inundated with endless taunts designed to make us feel ‘less than’.
Even though I’m not seeking what she’s selling, my comparison gene kicks in. My ego blasts me with thoughts of “Why don’t you have dozens of clients?” or “Why aren’t you…?” (you can fill in the blanks)
I’m not done yet! I continue by comparing Donna today, to Donna a lifetime ago. Suddenly I am pondering my lack of ‘drive’ and ‘initiative’. Qualities I used to relish. Eventually, inner awareness kicks in and I regain my sense of self.
I remind myself of how desperately unhappy I used to be. At this moment, I compare where I am to where I was through a new lens. Instead of comparing in a harmful and hindering manner, I find helpful meaning in comparing to my former self.
“Comparison can actually be a good thing”, writes Mark Manson. “Comparing ourselves to others can inspire and motivate us to be better. What matters isn’t the comparison, but the meaning we derive from the comparison.”
Comparison can be helpful
It’s easy to get caught up in the comparison game. Less easy to catch ourselves doing it - it requires diligence. It means we have to pay attention, especially to our ego and our trickster mind.
“If you continuously compete with others you become bitter but if you continuously compete with yourself, you become better.” ~ Marie Blanchard ~
Instead of comparing, when I value the qualities I see in others, I value myself. I choose to change my narrative from one that diminishes, to one that builds me up and allows me to celebrate my own greatness. It’s not always easy - the trickster mind always wants to play - but ultimately I’m in control.
How have you been comparing yourself in a way that is unhelpful and makes you feel less than? How can you change your narrative to one that builds you up and allows you to celebrate your own greatness? How can you start today?
I’d love to hear what comes up for you when you read this post. You can share with me privately at donna@donnakoch.com. I love reading your emails - and yes - I read them all.
If this got you thinking, you might also like…
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Feature photo by Bianca Berg on Unsplash
Image of backyard snail, by authour