The Pink Bandana

Riley and I enjoying an Okanagan sunset

I have always wondered why I do the things I do. The thing I’m wondering now? It’s a pink bandana, the one Riley wore in her final days. Something made me take it off her before the vet took her away. I set it on the counter. I noticed it for days. Just one of so many beautiful reminders of the life we shared.

I don’t remember how many days it took. What it was that made me pick it up, bring it to my nose. Her scent, an immediate transport to our evening cuddles, nuzzling into her neck. And then the tears of course. Somehow they were different this time around. They held a healing sense, a knowing - all is as it should be.

Now I know why I did that one thing on that sacred day. For it has brought me joy, brought me tears and on some days brought me to my knees. It will be a year in just a few more days. The smell is slowly fading. It’s still there, it still brings beautiful memories of what used to be.

There are times I have to breathe a little deeper, a little longer. I know it will eventually go away. For now, it sits on the shelf where I see it every day. When the desire arrives, I simply pick it up and bring it to my nose - breathing in her scent of yesterday.

The heart break has slowly turned to memories of the joy and love she brought to life. While my heart still aches, it can now feel joy, laughter and deep love in remembrance of the ten years we had together.

The ‘Pink Bandana’ is the result of my very first exercise in a writing class I started recently. While it’s actually on fictional writing, the free-writing prompt: ‘I have always wondered why…’, never looked back as it began.

We were discouraged against editing and to just write what came up. So I share it with you on this special day, celebrating and remembering my beautiful girl Riley. She may have left this earth one year ago; in my heart she remains forever.