Can We Judge Others Without Judging Ourselves?
What will you do differently when all of this madness is over? It will be over, our lives will slowly return to a new normal.
So, I ask you…. What will your new normal be? What lessons will you take away, will you remember, will you commit?
I’m not intending a lecture or a sermon on becoming a better person, developing some component of your life….. Nope, that’s up to you. I’m just here to ask the question! In all honesty, I’m asking for myself because my biggest FEAR? I won’t do differently…. I won’t take my lessons and be intentional….. I won’t remember all of the things I said I would do differently…. I won’t….
I WON’T….
Practice less judgement
Wow, this is a hard one, especially with all the media around the panic shopping, the greed and the seemingly “look out for #1” that has filled the headlines and social media. The reality is…. to judge is to be human. The other reality is….. to be a better human is to be aware and change what does not serve us.
Judgement does not serve humanity well.
I often get asked when this topic comes up in leadership training, “How do you stop it?” How do you stop something that is ingrained in our being? After all, it is judgement that also keeps us safe, keeps us from harm. Judgement is in part that fight or flight that kicks in, or brings us to sudden awareness in just the nick of time. Like when you're entering an intersection, and you hit the brakes before you even see the other car coming straight at you….It’s not about stopping judgement, at least not when it applies as defined in the first definition below (you might be surprised how many definitions there are):
judg·ment
“the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions” Oxford
Here’s where judgement sometimes fails us…..
“the forming of an opinion, estimate, notion, or conclusion, as from circumstances presented to the mind” Dictionary.com
…. Such as the building manager hosing down the homeless man. Some make judgement on the manager being inhumane, uncaring, a terrible person. Some make judgement on the homeless man being deserving, lazy, a vermin of society. Few reserve judgement and wonder what circumstances could possibly exist, fewer recognize the judgement itself.
Or…
…. A couple buying out the entire meat department at a local grocery store, reportedly with glee. Some make judgement on their greediness, their apparent disdainful inconsideration of others…. Fewer reserve judgement, give the benefit of doubt to the possibility there may be deeper issues or perhaps again, there’s more to the story that we can’t perhaps even fathom.
Or…
…. A loved one unleashes upon us, berating us for our thoughtlessness and whatever unknown travesty we have bestowed upon them. Some (most) defend quickly our actions or own behavior, perhaps with apology, likely with an underlying blame toward the other . Seldom do we seek to understand what underlies, to become vulnerable to discovering our own contribution, our own human faults….. or …. to discover it’s not about us at all. We miss the opportunity to not only grow within but to inspire others to find their own courage to be vulnerable, to discover their contribution or underlying need, their human fault. This is where growth lies, in the recesses of our own fear. When we can recognize that it is simply OUR version of events, OUR own judgement that interferes with how we see the world, how we see others…. how we respond, feel, behave, connect or …. disconnect. That is where growth lies. That is where forgiveness lies. In recognizing, in becoming aware and then in finding the courage to challenge our views, our responses, actions and to find a way to seek to understand the other side of the story, the alternate version of events and circumstance to that “presented to our mind”..... that is where judgement may cease.That is what I wish to change, to do differently. Along with a long list of other, much simpler things such as:
- Spend more time with my parents
- Be more patient and loving toward others
- Never take TOILET PAPER for granted again
- Keep in better touch with my friends and loved ones
- Reach out to a stranger and offer a helping hand
- Start running again (I actually have and I’m loving it)
- Share my love of photography through a live webinar (so glad I did this)
- Invest in myself (I finally signed up for the Amy Porterfield LIST BUILDERS SOCIETY for entrepreneurs)
- Stop allowing fear and self-judgement to keep me from my dreams….. Oh and then there’s that!
I hope today finds you happy, healthy and navigating these unfamiliar waters with optimism, gratitude and self-love because I believe that is the greatest good that will come of all of this. The world will find more optimism, more gratitude and more love…. despite the challenges we are yet to face personally and across the globe in finances, recovery, unimaginable loss…. My hope for you, for me, for all of humanity is that we come out stronger, more united, more forgiving and less judging than before.I’d love to hear how you are doing, your challenges, your conquests, whatever you choose to share about your own journey through COVID-19. My promise? No JUDGEMENT! Share with me here The photo for this blog is of Pala, a friend and fellow passionate photographer. Check out what she's doing differently right here.