The Fear I Vow to Fight With All My Might
“Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.”
~ Marianne Williamson ~
Fear has a way of showing up when we’re not looking. It shows up and we deny its existence, not wanting to believe we are succumbing to some internal force beyond our control.The thing is, it’s not beyond our control… it’s a figment of our imagination - we make the shit up.Others may see me as being somewhat fearless, willing to take risks and I identify as a bit of an adrenaline junkie. Perhaps it started in learning to ride my bike, and my cousin’s reassurance “everything will be okay” - catapulting me into motion with a push from behind.Suddenly I’m clinging to the handlebars of my glittery, gold banana seat bike, racing down the hill toward granny’s house, streamers straight back... my front wheel wobbling, swaying back and forth in a frenzy and then… the 90 degree turn veering left.My legs freeze, unable to break, my hands clenching tighter, my arms cementing in place as I soar into the corner, my back wheel sliding out from under me in the gravel. My first road rash experience did not deter me from a future of seeking thrills and excitement of the physical realm.
Is fear learned or instinct?
From an early age we learn to fear. We didn’t start out this way. We had no fear and then we were taught to fear. Sure, there’s good reason to fear falling down the stairs, running into traffic, eating something you just picked up off the sidewalk… Let’s call it ‘real’ fear.For some this fear holds less power and perhaps is a catalyst for adventure seekers, pushing beyond our physical limitations. For others, this fear keeps us from bruised knees, skinned elbows and broken bones.We each have our own tolerance for such things and over time some of us lessen those risks, while others continue.
Real fear versus imagined fear
While it may seem obvious, it’s worth the clarification… one is protecting us from real bodily harm. Our amygdala kicks into overdrive, causing direct interference with whatever the immediate threat holds. Often, we respond before consciously recognizing there is a threat… like slamming on the brakes as another vehicle flies through the stop signal.The other… aka 'imaginary’ fear presents no direct link to physical threat… no life threatening harm can come to us.I believe this kind of fear is what we should all fear most. It’s the fear keeping us from living, experiencing, loving deeply, allowing others to love us deeply, growing, speaking our truth, starting a business, writing a book, painting, singing, travelling…It’s this fear I vow to fight with all my might. While there may be consequences, this fear is not about physical harm or life threatening behaviour, but it works the same way... in our mind and only in our mind.Imaginary fear is often born of past experiences, phobias and the especially hindering thought of “What if”... no matter how unlikely or non catastrophic the worst case scenario might be. We dwell on past mistakes, being extra careful to never allow it (or something similar) to occur ever again.Our lives and decisions become ruled by the past and we worry so much about the ‘what ifs’, we stop thinking about what’s possible.
How does fear control us?
At the age of 51, I had the opportunity to go rock climbing, a long held dream from childhood. I learned to climb in iconic areas such as Joshua Tree and Yosemite National Park. If you’ve never been, add one or both to your bucket list... gazing up from the base of El Capitan is a truly spiritual, life changing experience - full body tingles as I write this.
On this day, I find myself trying to become one with a granite wall in the gorge of Guadalupe Canyon (another must see) at the tip of Baja Mexico. I’m no more than five feet off the ground, relatively safe to land on my feet without breaking anything.I’ve maneuvered myself into position, my left foot ballet toed on what at first glance is a slight blemish in the stone, yet enough to give me hold as my left hand stretches seemingly beyond my reach, finger tips gripping an unseen protrusion… a delicate dance… my right foot floats in the air. I can see my next step, where I need to go. It’s obvious...it’s a stretch, at least the length of my leg, maybe a little more.If you’re a rock climber, you know the secret is to keep moving. The longer you contemplate your next move, wait in any precarious position, your muscles fatigue, your fingers cramp, your grip weakens and slipping becomes inevitable. I learned enough to know all of this and I knew exactly what my next move needed to be.The route was clear beyond this one big lunge… My right foot swings forward, reaching beyond halfway, touching briefly on the placement I am seeking and…I can’t let go, my left foot will not move, lift… shift. My left fingers grip tighter, resisting release… the dance halts in a one legged pose. How many efforts I make, I lose count. Despite what at first is encouragement evolves to frustration and back again, from my climbing partner and coach. I can’t take the step.Did I mention? I’m roped in, my partner standing in arms reach on the belay - there is no chance of injury. No physical harm can possibly come to me. It’s a little embarrassing to share this next part...I’m talking to my right leg - yes outloud, “Just do it, make the step, nothing bad is going to happen”. I even offer a little physical assistance, my right hand pushing from behind, forcing my leg forward. I am literally willing my own leg to listen to my outside voice, to ignore the one deep inside that is somehow wired to stop me in my tracks.
“Fearlessness is not the absence of fear. It’s the mastery of fear.”
~ Arianna Huffington ~
What occurs to me in reflection of that moment on the rocks, is how powerful the ego is. It has greater control over my bodily functions than my heart, my very own will… fear of failure screams loudly in protest to taking the step... because I might not make it.If I am so acutely aware of the lack of risk and bodily harm, filled with a knowing of what is needed, yet unable to control my own mind (ego), where else does it hold me back, keeping me from something extraordinary? How many times has this very scenario played out without me noticing, realizing the only thing holding me back… is me?
Overcoming imaginary fear
After much negotiation with my newfound inner demon, I breathe deeply, gliding my right foot forward. In tandem, my right hand reaches knowingly toward its next hold, the left of my body joining in fluent unison and… my breath escapes with force, releasing a scream of celebration. Jumping up and down with joy… as much as one can jump up and down while tethered to a rock wall.I MADE IT! I kicked my fear in the ass.What has fear kept you from doing, experiencing? What joys have you completely missed out on, without trying something new, stepping into fear, exposing yourself to immeasurable pleasure, success, life beyond your imagination? You can share with me here. 
Hi I’m Donna. I’m deeply passionate about helping people achieve more than they thought possible by creating habits and practices aligned with who you are and how you want to show up. If you’re even a little curious to explore how to get where you want and deserve to be faster, I invite you to a 30-minute no-obligation discovery call. Don't let fear stop you from living your extraordinary life.