5 Reasons I’d Never Undergo Vision Correction Surgery Again
I once aspired to be in the small percentile of humankind. You know… the minority of individuals who achieve more, earn more, play more, do more, are liked more. And if you love such aspirations yourself, my hope is it brings you great joy.
And so I did… suddenly find myself in the “small minority”, defined as less than 1%... thrust into an unknown territory of excruciating pain and unrelenting fear.
September 11 offers an immediate image and memory of the unimaginable - a day ingrained in history. While the nature of my own encounter with the unthinkable pales in comparison, being essentially self-inflicted and leaving me to wonder about my love affair with spontaneity.It’s not that I didn’t research my options and the possible outcomes. After all, like many of you, I know a number of people who have undergone some form of vision correction surgery and without fail, sing its praises loud and proud. I’ve even had the experience of witnessing the surgery first hand along with the recovery stages - another lifetime ago.In truth, many would consider the decision to have been made in haste and while I don’t succumb to such scrutiny, it is undeniably one I would not repeat. I hasten toward regret, for regret is an unworthy adversary and in its place, I seek and offer forgiveness. Ahhh, and now I reveal the lesson I have yet to embrace… forgiveness of self, especially when I would so quickly offer it to another.It still astounds me I took the leap to surgery with such little fear or fanfare. After all not much more than 10 years ago, I cringed at the simple act of putting contact lenses in…
It is “a quick and painless surgery that combines the safety of PRK* with the quick recovery time of LASIK surgery,” reports LasikSurgeon.com. (referring to SBK surgery as reported on a provider’s website)
With such comforting assurances, the recommendation of the consulting optometrist, and the confidence of he and the highly revered surgeon having been happy recipients of the surgery themselves, I booked my date with destiny - September 11, 2020... and didn’t lose a wink of sleep.It’s true, the surgery itself is relatively painless… more aptly described as discomfort with equal weight given to the awareness of intense pressure being applied directly on your eyeball (held open by unseen force), while the surgeon shines a laser light into your eye and burns a layer of your cornea... (not intended as an accurate description) Surprised? Thankfully the numbing drops leave you only to your worst imagination.I’m not able to differentiate what might be considered the worst of these experiences and so I share them with you simply as I lived (and still live) with the consequence of my decision, in no particular order.
#1 Excruciating pain post-surgery
My first miscalculation? The assumption Ativan would not only do its magic but that I would succumb even more gracefully to its effect as a very select user of such medication. WRONG! Apparently, I outweighed the odds and it had little effect, even with the additional (just in case) dose.Within the hour, I was kneeling at my bedside, head face down into the comforter, hands clenching and pounding the bed, my entire body writhing as I bemoaned to Hugh, “Something’s wrong, it’s not supposed to hurt like this”. I literally wanted to scratch my eyes out and believed it to be my salvation.I was identified as the rare 1% and aside from discovering an apparent reaction to the eye drops, it became a game of patience and waiiitinggg… (still in progress on a much lesser scale).As the level of pain subsided to a “mere” discomfort, I became more aware of a burning and dryness not before experienced and resulting in a new desire to “scratch my eyes out”.
#2 Searing sensitivity to light
While better anticipated, I was still ill-prepared for the intensity any light source would impart on my healing eyes. I gained a quick appreciation for the gaudy if not goofy (dark) sunglasses provided by the optometrist. I took to wearing sunglasses indoors for a couple of weeks to ward off the searing laser-like source of a familiar discomfort just short of pain - not unusual to some who choose to wear sunglasses indoors and out.Let’s explore the possibility of returning to work within 48 hours… I would suggest little consideration has been given to those required to spend time on a computer screen or outdoors delivering a photography workshop in the bright sunshine of the Okanagan.Incessant blinking accompanied this sensitivity and while having reduced in frequency arises still in environments of fumes, scent, or heat and especially as the day turns to night.
#3 Ongoing throbbing eye sockets
I can’t say for how long and I didn’t bother to check my journal in the event I made a note… Have you ever had your finger swell around a ring, sensing if you didn’t get it off RIGHT THIS SECOND, it would sever? It’s the closest I can come and it is still so far from feeling your eyes swell and expand like a balloon filled beyond capacity about to burst.One might expect this to be the most disturbing but wait… there’s more!
#4 Intermittent vision changes
It’s not all bad news even in the early hours... The most disturbing for me became the changes in my vision. At first, there’s elation in recognizing I can now see things much more clearly without the aid of glasses. And then… there’s a visceral panic as “before your eyes” what was in one moment crystal clear suddenly becomes blurry, the extent of blurriness changing despite your own stillness.While these vision changes would be identified as normal, once again mine seemed to be outside of the norm. The advice “We’ll just have to wait and see”. Thankfully this “side effect” seems to have subsided and I’ll find out for sure in early March.
#5 Undeniable and unrelenting FEAR
Imagine injuring your eye, to whatever extent would conjure up the possibility of losing your sight. What would that feel like? Now imagine, you chose to injure not just one but both of your eyes - ON PURPOSE! Essentially I found myself in such a dilemma and it took every ounce of power, pulling on a resiliency store I had once only dreamed of possessing.Yes, my imagination threatened to run to the darkest deepest corners of reality. Wasteless worry and deprecating doubt reared its ugliness, testing my resolve toward reason and sanity. But I conquered it all, a little and then a lot to emerge with a new appreciation for how powerful our minds can be. Through this lesson, I see how far I have come in changing my thoughts so that I may change my reality even in the most difficult of circumstances. An unusual lesson perhaps, and one I cherish despite the journey not yet complete.
Please know my intention in sharing this experience is not to deter you from a life-altering opportunity - there truly is great freedom in walking in the rain without water drops blurring your vision or putting your eye to the camera and feeling its touch directly on your skin. I offer my experience solely for insight to “all” possibilities… so you may be at least slightly better prepared in the event you find yourself in the 1percentile.Thinking of vision correction surgery? Perhaps you’ve had a similar experience or hopefully a less dramatic one… I’d love to hear your story. Tell me more...